My leadership mentor is Warren Bennis. One of my most highlighted and tagged books is On Becoming a Leader. I was excited to read his memoir, Still Surprised: A Memoir of Life and Leadership. He tells his story honestly, including both his triumphs and his mistakes, both personal and professional. As with any memoir, there seems to be a lot of name dropping but this is a man who was a pivotal figure in many important movements in the mid-20th century so it was interesting to see who he knew.

Bennis encourages leaders to cultivate emotional wisdom that includes empathy, respect and insight in dealing with others. Listening is an important practice.

I feel that I am less a creative thinker than a creative listener. Listening is an art, a demanding one that requires you to damp down your own ego and make yourself fully available to someone else. As listener, you must stop performing and only attend and process. If you listen closely enough, you can hear what the speaker really means, whatever the words. And paying undivided, respectful attention inevitably makes you more empathic, one of the most important and most undervalued leadership skills.

The story that resonated with me, however, was of moving to SUNY-Buffalo as provost. He had been brought in to change the university. However, like many change agents, he failed to get to know the culture and community that he had been asked to change. His work there was essentially a failure. At one point, he describes driving with his colleagues in an expensive sports car, realizing only in hindsight: “The three of us might just as well have carried signs that read CLUELESS, ELITIST OUT-OF-TOWNER.” He goes on to provide the lesson he learned: “Every leader, to be effective, must simultaneously adhere to the symbols of change and revision and the symbols of tradition and stability.”

I have somehow gotten embroiled in a local battle where my outsider status is something of a hindrance. The community has some real divisions and without realizing what I was doing, I got involved with the wrong side. They are good people who have done good work but, it seems, they have done so without involving the surrounding the community so they are often viewed with suspicion by others and accused of only working with a select few. But they showed up with kids at the farm and I saw a way to work with young people again so I dove in.

The questions I ponder now are about the next steps. I have reached out to the other side but been mostly rebuffed. Have I lost the opportunity to be either a peacemaker or a change agent? How can I respect the traditions while also pushing to bring unity to this divided community? For now, I am pondering before acting any further. What would Warren do?